When I first learned about Tantra I was both elated and saddened. On the one hand I had discovered how to LOVE, how to love my body and how to honour a partner with conscious love. On the other hand I had all these beautiful girlfriends who did not know what I had discovered and were destined to a life of boring, lonely sex.
That is when I had the idea of using my training as Tantra goddess to deliver Tantric concepts and techniques to hens and birthday parties. What better way of introducing the divine feminine back into women’s sex lives then through this culturally endorsed rite of passage!
One of Tantra’s teachings is the difference between male and female sexuality. Male sexuality begins in the genitals (sacral chakra) and then spreads to his emotions (heart chakra). Stimulating a man’s lingam (penis) can lead him to feel lovey-dovey. Female sexuality is the opposite, beginning in the heart and spreading to the genitals. A woman who feels connected and in love with her partner is more likely to feel sexy about him. This dynamic is represented in the yin yang symbol.
In our modern culture, the sort of sexuality both men and women are exposed to is a masculine sexuality. Pornography, movies, and magazines emphasise the physical aspects of sex. When you focus on sex as a purely physical act it becomes procedural and performative. Tantra views this type of sex as more like mutual masturbation then making love. He is trying to bring her to orgasm, she is trying to please him either by pleasuring him directly, or trying to achieve orgasm. It’s all quite hard work! Yet, this is what most people’s experience of sex is, and this is why it is a commonly held belief (and reality) that passion dies off in a long term relationship.
Tantra keeps passion alive! When you learn how to introduce the emotional and spiritual aspects into your sex life through tantra you will be happily connecting with your partner sexually until death do you part. What a shame our society doesn’t teach this as part of obtaining a marriage certificate!
Learning tantric skills also has added benefits for women. In my work as a sex therapist, the most commonly presenting sexual problems for women are low libido and inability to orgasm. This is because women grow up with the idea either that their partners are responsible for turning them on. In reality, this is as ridiculous as thinking that your partner is responsible for keeping you at a comfortable body temperature. Like putting on a jumper, tantra teaches a women how to turn herself on by bringing blood (and therefore energy) into her genitals. Once she knows how to do this, the path to orgasm is much easier!
And of course, what woman doesn’t want to blow his mind with her sexual skills. Tantra can teach a women how to help her partner communicate with her during sex so she can learn which of the exciting new techniques she’s practiced make him wild!