About

I am a psychologist with an interest and expertise in the area of relationships and sex therapy.  I am a fully trained and experienced hypnotherapist and am at the beginning of my journey as a yoga teacher. I am also a student of kinesiology.

When I originally studied Tantra through the Australian School of Tantra in Byron Bay I was hoping to enhance my ‘toolbag’ of techniques that I could use to help sex therapy clients become more sexually satisfied.  What I received in my training had applications far beyond what I had originally thought.  It seemed to me that most of what we do as Western sex therapists was done earlier and better by the ancient indian Tantra practitioners!  Like physiotherapy for an injury, Tantra makes sex therapy more experiential and practical.  Concepts that are hard to explain verbally are easy to understand when you experience them.

Mindfulness is all the buzz in psychology today.  Research has found it useful in treating a variety of mental health issues including Depression, Anxiety and Stress.  Recent work by Gottman and Tatkin has also shown how mindful attention can enhance relationship satisfaction and reduce conflict.  In the 1970’s Masters and Johnson revolutionised sex therapy by introducing a form of what is now known as mindfulness in their concept of ‘sensate focus’.  I find the ancient Tantric approach is even more effective.  Through focus on connection and energy sharing, not just sensation, the emotional and spiritual sides of sexuality are activated, not just the physical.  This is important because of the disconnection we now face in the modern world, the nature of female sexuality and the importance of emotional intimacy for couple’s satisfaction.

I am passionate about Tantra as an avenue to re-develop female sexuality in our society.  Because of the Western focus on the more masculine, physicalised sex, women are often assumed to be the less libidinous of the sexes.  Couples often conflict over mismatched libidos and it has become so common for us to assume that women don’t desire sex in long term relationships that it is often joked, by both males and females, that when you get married the sex will stop! What most people aren’t aware of is that most women can be just as desirous of sex as men can, and passion can last until ‘death do us part’ in long term relationships, if we learn how to work with female sexuality.

In my work I have seen that a lot of men feel frustrated and disconnected. Whether they are getting the sex that they think that they want or not, they feel empty. They turn to pornography and other self-soothers like alcohol or TV as a way of trying to fill the gap. Or worse, they turn on themselves, pushing and punishing themselves and trying to effort themselves into better performance. They end up more frustrated, more angry, more self-loathing and experience even less pleasure and functionality. The tantric approach with its focus on allowing men access to their feelings during lovemaking and focusing on the journey, not the destination opens a whole new world for men to experience pleasure and connection in a way they have never been shown before.

I believe that a knowledge of Tantra is the easiest way to take control of your libido, enhance your sexual pleasure and function, and experience love for yourself and your partner on a deep level to build strong foundations for a long term sexual partnership.  I feel so excited and privileged to be able to share these teachings with others!  Thank you!

Gem

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